Home Editorial Unusual Hats: Easier sniping, one headshot at a time

0.8 seconds after this screenshot was taken, this Soldier was killed by a flaming arrow headshot.

Look, I know I may have given some people the impression that I’m a hat-hungry hedonist. That I “manipulate” people in order to constantly increase my own virtual wealth. That I’m a terrible, terrible human being.

All of these things are true. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have standards.

In the blind fervor the TF2 community has demonstrated when it comes to hat trading, none can be more ridiculous than its obsession with Unusual Hats. Sure, they’re rare. They’re pretty. Some could even be considered mildly erotic. But if there’s one thing they’re not, it’s stealthy. After all, nothing says “Please put an arrow through my skull” like a Towering Pillar of Hats radiating sunbeams.

I know that things like living and helping one’s team aren’t normally that important in Team Fortress 2, but nothing makes these objectives harder to accomplish than activating what amounts to an Admin Beacon on your forehead. Whether it’s confetti, logos, or flies, your glowing e-peen is a homing beacon not only for Snipers, but for anyone who simply hates you on the basis of your elite hat ownership.

Of course, I’m not advocating that you shouldn’t trade for unusual hats. Of course you should, as they are highly valuable to suckers everywhere the more flamboyant TF2 gamers.

Just don’t wear them. It’s that easy.

So, fellow traders extraordinaire, before you don that Dazzling Dapper Topper, think, “What would WiNGSPANTT do?”*

*In most cases, I’d open a trade window with myself and give myself the Dapper Topper. Feel free to do the same**
**Except in this case, the me with the Dapper Topper is you. The me receiving it is still me.
5 replies to this post
  1. Whenever I hear someone make this argument, I can’t say I agree with it. It’s not like you can headshot the burning mass of flames or searing plasma atop someone’s head, if anything a floating TF2 logo can make it more difficult to headshot someone.

    I know I have trouble separating the head from the hat when I scope up and see a glowing pillar of hats. Or maybe I am just a terrible Sniper. :/ Either way, I don’t see how Unusuals really affect anything…

    • It’s true, it’s not like you hit the flames.

      But there are plenty of scenarios where your target goes behind a fence, or down a hill, or behind a dispenser, etc. If they didn’t have a giant and/or glowing hat, you couldn’t guess where they were. If they have a target on/around their head, lining up the headshot for the second they leave cover is easy.

  2. Ohhh boy how do I know this… I remember when I wore my Max’s Severed Head when I played medic… it was the same as asking “HERE, HEADSHOT ME PLEASE!!111” (not that the medic’s lifespan is that great… it just seemed a bit more often back then :P XD).

    But yeah jealousy and a hat target go a long way…. though it’s a thing of being torn between being a showoff and suffering for it *laughs*

      • Lol my friend the other day just had fun coming to our spawn as a Spy with his Familiar Fez and polycount set + the camera beard. It was so awesome… until he ate Frontier Justice Pellets xD

        But yeah, spy’s have that unfortunate problem with hats…. still Artemis blesses well those who follow her path with awesome camera kills once you are able to taunt and showcase your hat gathering skills (Dead ringer equipped just in-case… you never know when a ninja nade might pop up on your feet xD).

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