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To Have and to Stab
Dear Top Tier Tactics,
I was wondering on a huuuuuuuge guide on how to get your first stab with the spy.
I want to become better with YER, but the 1st stab is always the killer for me.
I remember my first stab. I was really nervous, because everyone told me it was really fun, but I didn’t know anything about it. I knew it would be highly pleasurable, but I was also worried I would get hurt. Luckily, I was equipped with Your Eternal Reward and was ready to show that Sniper just how much I cared…
First off, your ability to succeed with this knife will greatly depend on your access to the full Saharan Spy set. As one of the Team Fortress 2 Polycount Pack sets, it grants you a silent decloak, even when using the notoriously noisy Dead Ringer. This bonus means that stalking stabs are once again viable, even against Team Fortress 2 veterans who have honed their ears to constantly listen for decloaking sounds.
To perform a stalking stab, just cloak (using any watch, though you’ll have less time with the Dead Ringer), get behind the target, and walk forward while riding his ass –so to speak– and uncloak while holding down Mouse 1. You’ll get an easy backstab the second you’re able to, and your victim won’t have a clue what’s coming unless he happens to turn around in the short uncloak animation.
If you don’t have the full Saharan Spy set or find enemies are a little too paranoid to leave their backs exposed, you still have options. Leaping stabs or drop stabs from higher elevations are a good way to get into position without being too obvious. Another simple method is to wait by enemy spawn rooms or teleporter exits ready to perform spinal surgery on the next chump to appear.
However, for the most part, using Your Eternal Reward will require timing. Even when you have a disguise, it’s not going to fool anybody, especially if they know you can’t change it. Since you can’t redisguise or change disguise at will, you will also need to more carefully weigh the costs of dropping your pretenses to unload L’Etranger at les étrangers on the other team. Finally, you will have to develop a sense of when it’s a good time to abandon your mortal coil in exchange for a totally sweet chainstab on every single person hugging the payload cart.
To Have and to Hold
Seeing as you are the wisest man I know, I have come to you for guidence. There is a certain character on the internet who describes himself as a “lovable miscreant” who refuses to marry me. He also runs a blog where he hands out free tactics for many games. Namley TopTierTactics.com. How can I get this person to give in and complete me?
Not WiNG, again, again
Dear Not WiNG, again, again,
There are two very reasonable facts that make our marriage completely impossible.
First and foremost, I’m already married. As far as I know, the state of New Jersey has not given polygamy the green light, and I’m completely certain that Elle would never approve unless you happen to be exceedingly hot.
Second, if I’m WiNG and you’re Not WiNG, it only stands to reason that our union, be it physical or legal, would result in a universe-ending paradox. As our W and nW particles interacted, they’d cancel one another out in a series of reactions that would tear time, space, and the Internet asunder.
While that sounds really cool, it would also entail the destruction of every single Nissan 300zx in existence, which would be completely fucking unacceptable. To that end, our love can never be.*
*Though just to be sure, you should send me that 2-karat diamond engagement ring. You know, just in case.