Home T3 Mailbox Top Tier Tips: By Bye Buy Baby

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good-luck_bear_largeBy the Will of the Just Goddess, Artemis

Dear Top Tier Tips,

Hello. My name is Trevor. I am a vampire and….  ;-)

In all seriousness, and with as little sarcasm as I can possibly muster: how many of your games, WingSpanTT, of Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood do you win by sheer luck? Obviously, you’re skilled, and know what you’re doing, and how to play, etc…but at the same time, in watching your videos I see that you have a lot of ‘lucky’ moments, where dumb players will just sort of wander blindly into your trap…

Why is it (besides cosmic injustice, of course) that when I’ve been sitting in a static group for 5 minutes, my target suddenly stops, bolts in the opposite direction, and when I go to chase them I get stabbed by a guy who’s been standing in the same group for a minute longer than I? There’s no way I could have predicted either of those events, and it happens to me all the time. I’m no noob: I know how to play the game, and I know the strategies and perk uses. Yet Fate itself seems to conspire against me.
So I guess I’m asking: is it just me? Do you ever have terribly unlucky things befall you in the game? Am I playing too many Player matches instead of Ranked ones? What?


Dearest Trevor,

The fact of the matter is that time and time again, I have been proven to be the luckiest man on Earth. Growing up, this trait was particularly useful: the days I forgot to do homework were the same days the teacher was out sick. The one time I get pulled over by a cop, it turns out he’s just looking for someone to give two Yankees tickets to. I guess I just rolled a 20 in that category when I was born.

But when it comes to video games, I have good and bad luck just like anyone else out there, as Artemis cannot smile upon my exploits at every moment. I play rounds of Brotherhood (and, of course, other games) where enemies are seemingly conspiring to converge on me at every second. Games in which all of my plans fail at the last second, and my victories somehow turn on me. But keep in mind: those games would not be particularly interesting to commentate.

Sure, I could post a video of me getting metaphorically raped* while I curse at the TV for ten minutes straight – but of what benefit would that be to viewers? Maybe it would be entertaining, but at least as far as my own style goes, I’ve always felt videos need to be 33% humor, 33% instruction, and 33% thrills. Last-minute victories and epic comebacks simple result in a better viewing experience, in my most humble of opinions.

That said, Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood and Spying in Team Fortress 2 are not purely games of skill, but also games of calculated risk not unlike poker. While some events may seem purely coincidental, truth be told there are many considerations I make during gameplay I don’t or even can’t narrate. Call it game sense or yomi or whatever, but sometimes you just feel like “They must be going this way, that’s what I would do” and you take a risk based on that feeling. Occasionally it pays off, and when it does, it’s time to slap it on the internet and reap the rewards of glory.

Cheers,
WiNGSPANTT

 

Bye to Comprehensible Sentences

Hey, just a simple question,

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

Thanks,
Anon.

Dear Anon,

I’ll see your nonsensical question and raise you an image of a cuttlefish:

cuttlefish

Cheers,
WiNGSPANTT

Buy a Binny Roosevelt Today

Hello there WiNG,

It’s been a long time. I have missed you. Onwards to my question!

Is it possible to aquire a pet WiNGSPANTT or a pet Binerexis? If so, where can I purchase one?

-NotWiNG

Dear NotWiNG,

At this time, I’m unfortunately not for sale. While I shouldn’t speak for Binerexis, I will anyway and also decline on his part. Because I can.

While we refuse your offer to purchase us in part or in whole, I wonder if you or any other Top Tier Tactics readers would be interested in T3 merchandise, and if so, what? A sarcastic shirt? A sarcastic mug? Or even a sarcastic crayon set? The possibilities are endless!

Cheers,
WiNGSPANTT


*The literal videos are indeed posted in unspeakable alleyways of the internet and are the primary source of revenue of Top Tier Tactics.

19 replies to this post
  1. I’m interested in that sarcastic Crayon Kit.

    “Yup, yup. Trees are definitely Purple. You’re the smartest guy ever!”.
    What. Can’t a grown man enjoy colouring books?

  2. A T-Shirt that has an arrow pointing upward saying: This is the epitome of beauty.

    Or pointing downward. Whatever your definition of beauty is, in shape or form.

  3. In case somebody didn’t know, that one inapprehensible sentence is an internet meme.

    Meme also is the keyword when it comes to merchandise. I sometimes have the impression that the site is developping its own lore by the sarcastic elements used in articles/videos (eg. Binerexis being a viking and the writers being treated as slaves by WiNG).
    When this reaches a point where:
    1. toptiertactics.com has more than 6 regular readers
    2. the “lore” has developped some catchy catchphrases
    you will be able to capitalize on your readers/pubescent fans who in a distant future might be walking around shouting “BROTHERHOD!” or stating that they have a “binerection”.

    In fact, this is a procedure we can see on all gaming related websites owning an own store, and if you (reader of this comment) didn’t know about what I was writing already, you’re allowed to consider yourself as a simple-minded person that is still a valued member of mankind as you actually care for what others in your community think by reading the comments.

    This a-bit-longer-than-usual comment has been produced to make toptiertactics.com look like having gained a bit more traffic.

    • A good way to get more people:
      A fight to the death of all 6 writers for T3. Livestream it, connect it to a charity, bam. You got yourself many many more viewers. My money’s on Binerexis, he looks pretty tough, and beards adds +20 defense.

      That, or you can start marketing those “Read this and I will murder you” Coffee mugs and T-Shirts. Maybe to get some publicity, you can have a T3 Spray for games with sprays. I’d totally use it.

      • But WiNG can talk to females! Who knows how many other powers he has?
        My money’s on him.

        Also, the spray is quite a good idea.

      • What about official T3 Minecraft Skins? That way, T3 could reach 2.5million gamers and I’d love to impersonate Binerexis

      • Pretty good idea, but Binerexis and WiNG Aren’t really popular enough to be recognized by everyone.

        “Wuts your skin? That dood has a cool beard.”
        “Something called a Binerexis.”
        No offense on popularity. People know WHO you are, they just don’t know what you look like or a lot of things.

  4. One last thing.
    Memes= Popularity.
    Popularity= More regular readers.
    More regular Readers= People you can market stuff to.
    And profit.
    You need to use your funny bones and get one good phrase out. A phrase or something that represents, T3. Something catchy. Witty. Something people will get immediately, or easily. Close the Trade window was good, but probably only tf2 players would understand it. Think of other things. Like, “I herd u like Mudkipz.”. Or “JESUS A LION, GET IN THE CAR!!!”. Get what I’m saying?

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