While it won’t be another day or two until the Team Fortress 2 Uber Update is released, that doesn’t mean the staff of Top Tier Tactics can’t make uneducated statements about the value of every weapon and pair of shoes in the game!
What are the best new additions? What are the worst? And more importantly, how will we humiliate our foes while we rub their noses in our new-found lewt?
Hit the break to join in on our childish ranting!
Worst new item: The Persion Persuader. Because the Demoman didn’t have enough melee items yet.
Best new item: The Detonator. Because nothing says “I’m on fire” quite like “You’re on fire”.
Your new micspam using this great new item: “Mumbling death from above!”
Worst new item: The Winger. I literally see no use for this weapon. At all. More pistol damage is nice, but without clip size you might as well just keep the original and fire off another shot.
Best new item: The entirety of One Thousand and One Demoknights. Makes the class into Melee Fortress 2.
Your new micspam: AAAAAAAAAGAGHGHAGHHHHHHHHHHHHG!!!
Worst new item: The Family Business. I don’t see the point of fiddling with a Heavy shotgun. Why? Because you have a minigun for close range stuff, why would you ever switch from a minigun to a shotgun? I have a feeling that no one will be using this gun at all.
Best new item: The Bazaar Bargain. All the people out there who consider themselves to be super-duper-hand-of-God Snipers will immediately start using this and will promptly start fucking up the bonus. I’m not saying there aren’t good Snipers out there but the people who are most vocal regarding Headshots vs Bodyshots are, in general, whiny assholes who don’t really get the point of the class. Not only that but the genuinely good Snipers who get headshots without even trying will get a nice little reward.
Your new micspam: “I AM A TERRIBLE SNIPER, WHY THE HELL AM I USING THIS GUN?”
Worst new item: The Tomislav. It looks very powerful, but allowing the heavy a powerful alpha-strike makes up for the inherent disadvantages of the class, reducing the Tomislav heavy to a “standard shooty guy” class. Not so good for the metagame! I forsee a nerf.
Best new item: The Disciplinary Action. Because when I directly benefit from the buffs I can give to the already unbalanced Tomislav heavies, they are suddenly good for the metagame!
Your new micspam: “Hypocrisy, go!”
Worst new item: The Atomizer. Scouts are annoying enough as it is, and with the FaN suddenly they have FOUR fucking jumps. God on knows where they’ll pester me from now.
Best new item: The Disciplinary Action. Now I can make other players my bitch.
Your new micspam: “You like that, dontcha bitch!?”
Worst new item: Every spy weapon. I don’t see myself using any of them.
Best new item: The goomba boots. That sounds like fun to me.
Your new micspam: “LOOK AT ME IM A GOOMBA MOTHER FUCKERS.”