You know how I feel about Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, and you know how I feel about things that cost zero dollars, so it should come as no surprise that I’m fairly happy about Ubisoft’s decision to release at least two free multiplayer DLC packs. Though unimaginatively titled Animus 1.0 and Animus 2.0 updates, you can’t really complain when the price is right.

Right at zero.

(It’s free.)

What do these updates include? Animus 2.0 is rumored to contain some new maps and a new gameplay mode. Animus 1.0 boasts similar features, introducing Advanced Alliance mode (it’s Alliance, only the game gives you fewer hints) and two new maps based on Mont Saint Michel. At this point you should be emptying your bowels into your pants, because Mont Saint Michel is unarguably the most interesting place in France.* Why? Well, for one, Mont Saint Michel is a castle built on a mountain in a tidal pool that transforms it into an island fortress during high tide.

Helm’s Deep, eat your fucking heart out.

We’ve talked about DarkSydePhil’s skill, sportsmanship, and humility before, but I never thought it would come to this. In a matchup not unlike the battles between the Hellenic deities of Olympus, DarkSydeGeoff overthrew DarkSydePhil in Super Street Fighter IV.

While we as a nation struggle to find meaning in these dark times, I submit my condolences and this tribute. Wherever DSP is now, I’m sure he’s pressing buttons. I can hear him pressing them in my soul.

Treyarch have been making massive headlines recently with their release of Call of Duty: Black Ops but they’ve also been stirring controversy with some press releases. Instead of seeing their feats and failures as general gaming news, I’ve seen them as important lessons (aside from basic English grammar) for those who have never played anything other than CoD.

Last month, Murray Chu of The Escapist contacted me with some questions about Team Fortress 2, the Golden Charity, and the New World Order established by Abstergo and the Templar brotherhood. After a lengthy discussion at a secure remote facility, he informed me that our conversation was intended to be the subject of an upcoming article for the previously mentioned digital magazine.

Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood is the newest iteration in the sci-fi-historo-fantasy series by Ubisoft in which players help a man named Desmond retrace his family tree. While geneology might not be appealing to everyone, I’d bet a Golden Wrench you’d be planning family reunions left and right if you discovered everyone you’ve ever been related to was actually a badass assassin.*

Of course, Desmond’s historic research is a little more interesting than digging through library archives and matching up dusty birth certificates. Using highly questionable science, he’s able to relive the memories of his ancestors in a virtual reality playground, experiencing all of their grisly, assassin-y encounters in real time. Also, there’s something about all monotheistic religions being evil. Also, the entire history of mankind is a lie. To make up for this mind-shattering revelation, you are given an awesome hoodie.

But, headwear aside, Brotherhood adds something new to the single-player stab-happy equation: online multiplayer. Online multiplayer with backstabbing. Online multiplayer with disguises and backstabbing. Is… is any of this sinking in?

The makers of Pinball FX and Pinball FX 2 have decided in their infinite wisdom generosity long-term money-making interests to release Pinball FX2 for free. What’s the catch? If you want extra game modes or pinball tables, you’ve gotta cough up the Microsoft Points.

Team Fortress 2 Community Contributor Payday

Steamworks Enables Peer-to-Peer Content Creation

October 21, 2010 — Valve announced the success of the Team Fortress 2 (TF2) peer-to-peer marketplace released as part of its September 30th “Mann-Conomy” update for PC and Mac users. This feature is available to developers and publishers as part of the Steamworks suite of services.

Five Steam community members participated in the initial round of content creation. Rob Laro, Shawn Spetch, Steven Skidmore, Spencer Kern, and Shaylyn Hamm created items for Team Fortress 2 which were then made available to other community members for purchase from the in-game Mann Co. Store. Today they received checks for the first two weeks of sales, with royalties ranging from $39,000 to $47,000 per person…

Starcraft 2 patch 1.1.2 is out now and includes a large number of game-changing balance tweaks. Medivacs and Void Rays got hit hard, Roaches got a gigantic boost, and Reapers are now completely unusable. Let’s go through the complete patch notes.

I am terrible at Soldier.

Terrible, terrible, terrible. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I can get a K:D greater than 1, but in your average pub game a decent Soldier should be getting at least 12-15 kills per death, right?

Soldier is my least played class, coming in with less than half my playing time for my 2nd least played class. That said, I forced myself to play with the new Soldier toys so that I’d have some scant insight to share with you all. I hope you’re happy.

As a consolation to my soon-to-be woefully inaccurate battle report, I’ll include my impressions of the GRU and Vita-Saw as well.

I recently watched a movie about the Scout. In the film, he was still very fast. He and his friend Benjamin Affleck would run around Boston, bonking people with baseball bats and occasionally using a Scattergun or Pistol. The Scout was looking kind of ugly though. I think he should see a dermatologist.

What I realized from watching this film, other than that nuns are bad people, is that the Scout remains one of the most fun classes in Team Fortress 2.

Snipin’s a tough job, mate. Bloody Spies are always rootin’ to slice ya in the back, yer whole soddin’ team’s a bunch of hapless ingrates, and it just so happens that everyone hates the air your breathe. How does one create viable unlocks for the Sniper? It’s a bit tough, since “viable” is largely contingent [...]

Unlike with the Spy, the Pyro’s newest loadout isn’t a total game-changer.

You won’t be spending all night planning new strategies, or ranting on a forum about how they have ruined your favorite class.

It’s much more likely you will try these new toys, fall in love, and immediately resume burning things to the ground.

Let’s take a look at what Valve has to offer…