Welcome to the second week (and a half) of my thinly-veiled soapbox. Interesting fact: game news occurs much more quickly than I had suspected. Luckily for you, the WiNGSPAN human has replaced my brain with a cybernetic computer. Releases and trailers and events and shit about Minecraft all rush through my positronic net at an incomprehensible pace, and benevolently back out again through the keyboard plugged into my skull, translated into written language, all for you.
Ordinary humans have three basic desires. They wish for sustenance, they wish for sex, and they wish for news about videogames. My function is to provide only one of these. I am sorry.*
You will now “continue reading” so that the data transfer may complete. Comply immediately, or my sacrifice will have been pointless.