Hey there! You like games? Me too.
You like money? Me even more.
It’s why I do nothing but open (then immediately close) trade windows in TF2 and build expansive trade empires in X3: Albion Prelude with my entire life.
Of course, not all sources of income are as legitimate as Meatsteak Cahoonas and high grade military missiles… which is what brings me to the topic at hand today.
The background story
It was during a dubious business venture which took months (months!) of planning involving slightly more than ten individuals. As a matter of course, the slight issue of laundering and spending the money came up. You can’t just walk around with sixty million of your best British Sterling* in your back pocket spending it like it was the unlimited money fountain it is. Someone will get suspicious.
In particular, the tax man will.
By all means, have all that money kicking around, but if you don’t give a ‘fair’ portion to the government, off to jail you go… which is why you have to launder the money so you can spend it freely without such suspicion. After explaining to my crew that this doesn’t mean putting the money in a tumble drier,** I started to get them on the right track.
The problem in laundering, though, is choosing a crew. You see, you can’t have a crew of Americans because they want a bigger cut and you can’t have a crew filled with Brits because they’ll stab you in the back, take your share, overthrow your country and then rub free healthcare in your face. So you need to have a crew of mostly Nigerian princes or Russian TF2/CoD/CS:S/BF3/OMG hackers.
This introduces linguistic problems where the only languages I speak are English, bad English, a few words of German, some Japanese and a couple of extremely poorly pronounced Swedish phrases. The only languages my crew can speak is unintelligible shattered English and something I don’t quite understand but probably equates to an exclamation of how well my mother performs fellatio.
Anyway, we were getting behind on schedule and I began to get angry. At one point, I said some thing like “By all the saints, if you don’t do it now I’m going to methodically subject each and every one of you to this collectible vinyl of SlipKnoT’s first album until shit starts getting done”. I don’t know if it was due to panic or by yet another hilarious language hurdle which, instead of being jumped over, was collided with producing bruises, a battered ego and a punctured lung but long story short, I’m giving away a copy of Saints Row the Third for PC.
Win Saints Row The Third: Contest details
For those who didn’t watch the video and would rather read about the terms,† they are as follows:
- Make an account on SteamGifts, which uses the Steam API so it’s all safe and secure
- Like us on Facebook. You probably don’t have to do this but you’re going to be at a severe disadvantage if you don’t
- Wait for the giveaway follow-up post and share the link to the private raffle page on Facebook
- Don’t ask me any damn questions as to how I got this
Sound good? Great. Of course, you have to have a Steam account for all of this to work or you’re fucked. Once you have the game, it’s yours to do what you like with it, you can even use it as a coaster if you wanted. A virtual coaster. You’ll also need to contact me within three days from when the winner is announced. The easiest way of doing this is to email me at Binerexis -at- TopTierTactics [dot] com, the quickest being to add me on Steam and the most inconvenient being to send a message by carrier pigeon which is encrypted using a payfair, one time pad and the XOR’d using your contact details.
Duplicate entries will be disqualified and will be less likely to be accepted into any future giveaways run by me because I’m a vindictive bastard and that’s how I roll.
* a.k.a Real Money
** Who the hell did I hire? The ten fucking Stooges?
† Precisely none of you