Home Editorial Dear Spies: Get ready to dominate novice backstabbers in Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood

Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood is the newest iteration in the sci-fi-historo-fantasy series by Ubisoft in which players help a man named Desmond retrace his family tree. While geneology might not be appealing to everyone, I’d bet a Golden Wrench you’d be planning family reunions left and right if you discovered everyone you’ve ever been related to was actually a badass assassin.*

While it's no Eternal Reward, this should suffice.

Of course, Desmond’s historic research is a little more interesting than digging through library archives and matching up dusty birth certificates. Using highly questionable science, he’s able to relive the memories of his ancestors in a virtual reality playground, experiencing all of their grisly, assassin-y encounters in real time. Also, there’s something about all monotheistic religions being evil. Also, the entire history of mankind is a lie. To make up for this mind-shattering revelation, you are given an awesome hoodie.

But, headwear aside, Brotherhood adds something new to the single-player stab-happy equation: online multiplayer. Online multiplayer with backstabbing. Online multiplayer with disguises and backstabbing. Is… is any of this sinking in?

Let’s just put it this way:
On November 16th, Disciples of Artemis everywhere are going to wreak havoc on the Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood population.

All those weeks, months, and years you’ve been practicing staying out of sight and timing the perfect moment to strike? The countless practice at reading your opponents’ movements and taking them out when they least expect it? Your honed attunement to danger, living for the thrill of the chase, the glory of the final strike? It’s all been in preparation for this. And the kicker? There are no fucking Pyros in Assassin’s Creed.


There are, however, prostitutes. It’s every Frenchman’s dream!

Bien sûr, there are many other differences between AC:B and TF2. For starters, everyone in the game is a Spy. This means that, at any given time, there are just as many people hankering to deliver involuntary acupuncture to you as you are to them. Of course, there are also hundreds of NPCs. Do you blend in with them? Use them as a distraction? Is one of them an enemy? AC:B rewards players who pull off more stylish and stealthy kills, so it’s probably best you avoid strategies like “throw bombs into crowds of peasants.”

While I don’t have a perfect understanding of the game yet, previews indicate there’s a lot to love, especially if you were a fan of Assassin’s Creed 2 (hint: you should be). There’s espionage, tension, murderous hilarity, and all manner of unchivalrous chicanery. Next week, backstabbing becomes a way of life for millions of console gamers. I think we, as masters, as obliged to leverage this opportunity to introduce these novices to the true meaning of “haha that idiot thought he– wha- what? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

*Then again, all the more reason not to diss your aunt’s potato salad.

5 replies to this post
  1. I first bought Assassin’s Creed on sale on steam and I loved it. I replayed it many times. Then AC2 came out and since it wasn’t out for the PC yet I rented it on the xbox and beat it over the weekend. Then a couple months passed and AC2 came out of PC, since I didn’t want to buy it at full price I waited until the summer sale on steam to get it. I play AC2 on the PC multiple times and I am currently going through the campaign with no armor and I only use the worst knife. The low health and weak weapon doesn’t really make the game harder (I wish they had a hard mode). I just wish ACB came out for the PC at the same time as the console because I truly get more enjoyment out of it by playing it on the computer than on a console.

    Nonetheless I will get ACB at some point in the future and look forward to the new campaign and hopefully playing on the multiplayer.

    • For Xbox, of course. You know. In case anyone wants to stab people with me… Metal Geurilla, the guy with a terribly generic, misspelled name. You know. I’m up for stabbing people… With friends.

  2. Been waiting for this game for months now; finlly get it in preorder tomorrow (PS3, of course). I’ve played both of the previous installments in the franchise and loved it; AC:B will be no exception.

Leave a Reply

Newest Articles

Disciple of the Ring
8 2183

Since I began playing Magic: the Gathering nearly 20 years ago, I've been drawn to blue/red decks. Maybe it's just that I've always favored instants...