What’s Hot in the Twenty-Teens
While I didn’t put together a Top 10 Games of 2010 list like Serge did, I have a pretty good excuse: I was traveling through time to the year 2012. And while there are all kinds of logistical holes in that alibi, what’s far more important is adding this page to your bookmarks and referring to it like some kind of holy text throughout the year. After all, if you can’t trust the words of a time-traveling misanthrope, whom can you trust?
2011 has a large number of great games in store. And whether you love shooting things until they die or punching people until they’re hospitalized, there’s something special waiting for your personal sociopathic niche. But we’re not here to talk about you, we’re here for me to dictate my opinion at you while the hidden text between each line slowly brainwashes you into joining my soon-to-be-announced cult.
Enough prelude; let’s check out the list!
7. Starfox 3D
Have you ever played Starfox 64? If you answered “no” to this question, you haven’t earned the right to instruct others to perform barrel rolls or to use any manner of boost to get through a sticky situation. Nintendo’s so-far-so-good 3DS gaming system will bring the classic action/flyer/shooter back to the masses. And if the game didn’t have enough depth for you last time (har har), you can now play in glorious, glasses-free 3D against friend and foe alike wirelessly. The only thing that could top this is a Starfox Wii game or a hilarious parody of Starfox 64 by yours truly. Or the next 6 games on this list.
6. Marvel vs Capcom 3
Once you pop, you can’t stop! I don’t know what that phrase has to do with Marvel vs Capcom 3, but I assume it’s a reference to aerial rave combos. Whether you’re a fighting game pro or just someone who wants to see Deadpool beat the shit out of Felicia* with his own fucking life bar, Marvel vs Capcom 3 offers everyone a little fun. Promising more balance, tons of great online features, and a Simple Mode to ease newcomers to the series/genre, I don’t think I’d be overstepping any lines to say Marvel vs Capcom 3 will be sure hit in 2011. That is, as long as Capcom DLC doesn’t ruin it.
5. Mortal Kombat (2011)
For years, we’ve seen the once-loved Mortal Kombat series stray further and further from its addictive, brutal, 2D roots. In 2011, the series makes its triumphant komeback by reinstating a single-plane fighting system, re-tooling its lumbering fighting pace, and introducing interesting mechanics such as x-ray brutality and adding Kratos to the fucking game. Additionally, the resurgance of Mortal Kombat means that clubs and raves around the world can throw the MK movie theme song back into the mix. In 2011, we’ll all be testing our might… on the dance floor.
4. Portal 2
I’m going to be extremely original and declare that Portal was a huge success. And while I played through the first game with a bug that removed GlaDOS’ demented voice from the action/puzzler,** there’s no doubt the character and charm of the game’s many soulless actors led to its massive acclaim. In general, great FPS games and great puzzle games both benefit highly from coop play, and I’m certain Portal 2 will be no different. If anything, my only concerns lie with the possibility that Portal 2 will lose some of intrigue created by Portal’s original descent from test lab to insanity.
LOL: Nothing on Wii
Sorry, Wii owners, but 2010 had too much epic in it to allow you to get any good games in 2011. You had Kirby’s Epic Yarn, Super Mario Galaxy 2, a new Donkey Kong Country, and the only good console Sonic game in over 10 years. You also got a Netflix channel that’s superior to the one on Xbox 360 and a bunch of Nintendo Fan Club bonus stuff. If you can’t be happy with that, you don’t deserve to be eating out of Iwata’s greasy little hands.
Okay, I cheated; there’s no official release date for Guild Wars 2 yet. But whether you’re a Guild Wars 1 fan, a subscriber to another MMO (I hear World of Warcraft is kind of popular), or if you’ve been put off by MMORPGs, GW 2 has something to offer you. Players of the original Guild Wars can re-enter Ascalon and claim bonuses based on the achievements of their “ancestors” from the first iteration. MMO diehards can participate in everything from raids to PvP to a new kind of real-time dynamic event. And those who didn’t try MMOs because of subscription fees and grinding? Guild Wars doesn’t have either.
2. Batman: Arkham City
It’s the goddamn Batman. There’s co-op with Catwoman. It’s the sequel to the greatest comic-based game of all time and one of the best action games of the decade. If you need to know more than that, just start burning your money now.
1. Mass Effect 3
Mass Effect 2 was one of best games of 2010 (if not the best). Making good on its many, many promises, it carried over your character’s choices and personal story from Mass Effect 1 while refining gameplay, introducing compelling new characters, and upping the stakes to levels no stakes had ever been upped before. It’s a fact: if you didn’t sweat while assigning your crew during the final mission, you aren’t fucking human. That said, I’ve no doubt in my mind that Mass Effect 3 will do anything other than meet and exceed expectations. After all, Bioware has alwASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL
*Felicia is the worst character in Marvel vs Capcom 3. Hell, she is the worst character in Darkstalkers and possibly in all of gaming.
**True story. It wasn’t until I reached level 16 that I began wondering what all the cake jokes were about. Someone on the Steam forums helped me out, and I re-played the game with a newfound appreciation for the atrocity commited against my weighted companion cube.