You’ve heard of “Battlefield Moments,” and if you’ve played a Battlefield game before, you know it’s more than a marketing buzzword. The mixture of solo play, team cooperation, vehicular combat, and giant explosions lends itself well to intense, insane outcomes on a regular basis.
Before playing the series, I was skeptical that such crazy events could come to pass. But after witnessing the guy shooting at me get run over by a teammate with a fucking boat in Battlefield 1943, I became a believer. So far, Battlefield 3, is looking to deliver just as much surreal sensationalism.
Air to air, dust to dust
Following my “mastery” of jet controls, one of my first aerial experiences came about when I found myself frantically dogfighting an enemy plane. High above the ground where mere mortals fight, my foe and I were circling in tight, descending spirals, attempting to each be the first to get behind the other’s tail for an easy kill.
I can’t say I know what happened, but before I knew it, I was climbing towards the sun. I couldn’t see anything out of the cockpit, and as I pushed hard on the controls to even out, I found myself flying directly into my opponent. Each of use was moving at a scant 300 miles per hour.* Emptying as many rounds as possible, I ejected at the last second. I lost our game of high-flying chicken, but according to the event log, he lost the game of life. Booya.
Tanks for dropping in, amigo
While I’m certainly responsible for dozens of my own altitude-related deaths in Battlefield 3, sometimes it’s your teammates who can’t put the brakes on the fail train. Or, in this case, failcopter.** Spawning on my teammate into his attack helo, I find myself in a bit of a pickle – the vehicle only has 30 HP left and is going down in flames. Fearing for my life, I bail out far above the battlefield, freefalling at an incredible rate.
Looking down at the rapidly approaching terra firma, I notice I’ve coincidentally dropped directly over the last base my team controls in Conquest. Below me, I can see a half dozen of my teammates, and they’re all pinned down by a T-90 tank wrecking everything in sight.
Of course, I’m a Support class player, so I don’t panic. I open the chute and drift down directly on top of the giant, iron beast of death. Planting a few explosives, I scoot away quickly and drop the hammer. The explosives hammer. As what’s left of the T-90 goes flying upwards, as if to curse the sky from whence death spawned, I smile and think back to my days watching Sesame Street.
This lesson was brought to you by the letter C and the number 4, bitch.
Pilot’s license revoked
My final Battlefield moment is tied to a longstanding desire to prove I can cut it as a world-class Recon player. Or, at the very least, one that my squad won’t spend the whole game complaining about. Lying out in the middle of a war-torn field, I’m doing my duty: placing and guarding a Radio Beacon, spotting enemies, and, of course, emptying my magazine into as many of their skulls as possible.
Going 9-0 in the first few minutes, I’m feeling fairly confident, especially after earning a few 200+ meter longshot bonuses. But that’s when I hear it. Somewhere, close, a helicopter is taking off… and it isn’t on my radar.
Crouch-walking towards the edge of the hill, I’m greeted with the worst sight possible: a transport chopper loaded with enemies, now level with my face. As my real-life brain prepares for fake-life death, I hold my breath, scope in, and pull the trigger.
What used to be the brains of the helicopter’s pilot get spread throughout the cabin. Somewhere, that virtual guy’s virtual wife is about to learn her husband ain’t coming home for virtual Hanukkah. The vehicle whines, stalls, and begins falling before the other four passengers can figure out what the fuck just happened. Only one guy is smart enough to jump out of the plummeting helo. The other three join it in what can only be described as an explosion fueled by gasoline, cranial fluid, and overwhelming hilarity.
* Based on the notoriously disingenuous in-game HUD. My personal guess is 75.
** I am well aware that helicopters don’t have brakes. Now put the brakes on your complaincopter.